Sparks Again

Tonight I went on a date.

Shocking, I know. A blog about dating and I start this post with, “I went on a date,” like it’s some absurd thing. But if you’ve been following along you will know that this is actually huge since that pesky think called a break up that I just went through.

His name is Alec and we met on this new app I just got called Hinge. They’re not paying me to say this, but so far it’s my favorite dating app. It’s very organized, people on it actually talk to one another, and the boys (for the most part) are cute as hell. I even matched with a YouTube celeb! But back to Alec.

We met at my favorite pizza spot because it was the only real location I knew between where we both live. He and I probably live about 40 minutes from one another, which if you’re a LA snob, would be considered “too far.” But if you know me you know that clearly I have no problem with a little distance. I mean, I dated someone in Australia for crying out loud! I don’t think I can get much further than that, well, until they colonize Mars. Then knowing my luck I would probably even try to do intergalactic distance because why the fuck not. I love challenges apparently.

Leading up to the date I knew I was going to have a good time. He had a great sense of humor and I felt connected to him right away when we first started chatting, but I was also having a great day in general so I was open to more positivity and connectivity.

When I saw him standing outside the restaurant I immediately began to size him up. He was both taller and thinner than I imagined and a lot more handsome in person. Not that I didn’t think he was attractive going into this, but sometimes photos can be a let down. I mean that’s honestly how I feel about mine. I get so insecure I won’t live up to the facade I parade on social media. I’m working on insecurity though, and it’s totally a part of my whole process of learning self love.

I gave him a hug, but I never know what the proper response is to meeting an online date for the first time. Are you supposed to hug or shake hands? Or just do nothing and say hi? I’m not sure what’s “proper,” but I always hug. I’m a hugger.

When we were waiting in line to order our pizza we were already instantly connected in conversation. There was no awkwardness, it was extremely playful and flirty, and it was comfortable like we’ve known one another for awhile. It was nice, and it felt so refreshing to just be myself again without being anxious on a date. The best part was, I completely forgot about my ex while I was with him.

One of the big issues with Alec though is that he doesn’t like Taylor Swift, but I think that’s something we can work on. But in reality everything about him is pretty great. He has a wonderful sense of humor, kind blue eyes, and such a genuine energy about him. I made a ton of poor jokes throughout the night that were mainly funny to me, and despite him poking fun at my humor, I just knew we would get along well. For example when we talked ethnicity he said his dad was 100% Danish and I asked, “Cherry or Apple?”

I thought it was hilarious.

While talking though I could tell he is the type of person I would fall for, and I made sure I took note of that so I don’t lose myself in him if this is something I decide to pursue further. Plus he is a people pleaser, and to me that is a BIG red flag. People pleaser’s tend to hurt people by being deceitful to make others happy, so I made sure I took a mental note of that as well. I’m not putting a wall up, but I am making sure I’m cautious in future relationships so I don’t end up hurting like I have in the past. After all no one is going to protect my heart better than myself.

After dinner we walked to our cars together still stuck in conversation. On the side of the restaurant is a plaque with two handprints on it and some writing above each hand and the gist of it is that one person places their hand on the handprint and a stranger places their hand on the other and you remove your hands once you’re no longer strangers. I placed my hand on one of the handprints and read it aloud while he placed his hand on the other. When I finished reading he goes, “But we’re not strangers,” and then leaned in and kissed me. It was so romantic and perfect and made my frozen heart melt a little. It was the perfect moment for a first kiss and I will definetly always remember it, especially because I go to that pizza place all the time.

When we reached our cars he pulled me in and kissed me again while he held me with such confidence. It was nice, and I could tell he genuinely cared. I don’t know if that makes sense but there was just something about his grasp that felt good, and I haven’t felt that good in a very long time.

He asked to see me again and I didn’t want to appear eager so we never set a date. He said we had to hang in his neighborhood next time, and I smartly replied “What makes you think I have to go to you?” This made him laugh and he retorted with, “We all know who wears the pants in this relationship,” and that just made me laugh even harder back because he has no idea what he’s in for.

I like the me I portray when I’m first getting to know someone because it’s my true self. I’m carefree, not afraid to be myself, and I actually eat my dinner because I’m not a self conscious nervous mess. Overall, I’m confident, but somehow I lose it as relationships progress. I’m working on it.

I don’t know where Alec and I will go. This could be it for us or there could be more dates to come, but honestly it doesn’t matter to me. Because for the first time I felt a little spark, and that’s enough to help remind myself that I can move on and love again.