Afraid of Heights


Corbit said, the first night he met me, that he wasn’t going to fill my head with pretty words. Rather he was going to show me how he felt. I didn’t understand how he was going to do that, and it scared me that so much was happening so fast, but I didn’t run. I did the exact opposite, I got closer.

Caitlyn dropped me off at the airport and sent me on my way. Corbit, however, wasn’t satisfied with his goodbye at 2am the night prior so he drove to the airport to see me off. It was one of the most romantic gestures, and seeing all the effort he put into me, made me question anything I ever had with someone else. Here was this stranger already treating me better than any man I ever dated, so how could I have possibly believed this was reality? Because the whole time, everything felt and seemed to good to be true.

I checked my bag into my flight and then headed outside to see him one last time before I headed back to my life in California. I felt like I was on permanent vacation, and I was ready to be back to my daily routine. I missed my family, friends, apartment, and even my job. I was ready to get back to pursuing my dreams of acting, and I felt like I was gone for a little too long.

Corbit pulled up and I hopped into his car. He kissed me and asked if he could drive me around in circles until I absolutely had to board my plane. I said yes, and in true Corbit fashion, we listened to music and just talked. We talked about how we were feeling and I opened up about really liking him. I do, or at least I think I do, but I know strong feelings shouldn’t have doubt. I didn’t doubt I could like him, I doubted if I really did. Sometimes I swear I think I’m broken. Here was the man I always hoped I would find and I was looking at him with questioning eyes and a confused heart. He definitely deserves someone who can love with a wild love. I know that could be me, but I just met him. We don’t live in the same city, we didn’t know each other fully, and this could have just been a moment that we confused with the idea of forever. Overall, I was just a confused mess filled with too many thoughts and an open heart.

He told me about a woman who runs a restaurant he enjoys eating at and that she was like a second mom to him. He told her about me and told her my favorite dessert was caramel so she gave him 3 caramel cookies to give to me. They were delicious and my heart melted. He remembered I said I loved caramel and here he was surprising me with delicious treats to eat while I was flying home. He then handed me a small guitar pick with May 1 written on the back. He asked if I knew why he was giving that to me and I took a shot in the dark and asked if it was the pick he used to play his guitar on the first night we met. He smiled at me and said yes. He wanted to give it to me so I could remember him and that night. My heart melted. This could not be real. I didn’t come to Nashville expecting to meet a boy, and never in a million years would I have thought I would meet someone who found me to be completely beautiful. He told me over and over how amazing he thought I was and I couldn’t believe him. Exes have told me before they thought I was amazing and they all left, so why should I believe this man I just met? But I believed he felt that way, I just couldn’t understand why? I don’t mean to sell myself short, but when someone looks you dead in the eye and says your beautiful, it’s a hard thing to believe. And I find this so sad. We as people are so quick to believe the shitty thing people say about us but we struggle to believe the good people say and feel.

The time came for me to head back and he said he was almost considering kidnapping me because he didn’t want to let me go. But he brought me back to my terminal, got out and hugged me, and kissed me goodbye. We didn’t end it with a plan for what would come next, that was going to be left up to fate. And fate stepped in a lot quicker than I anticipated.

To be continued…

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