Listen to Your Heart


After that night with Corbit, he dropped me back off at Caitlyn’s house. Needless to say, I was a nervous wreck going back to her. She had a melt down when I said I wanted to leave, I just couldn’t imagine how she felt when I didn’t come back all night.

I kissed Corbit goodbye and I went inside. She was obviously upset with me, but their was nothing I could do. What’s done is done, and I didn’t regret my time with him. I was a giddy mess all day. I wanted to see him again, but I didn’t see how that was going to possible. Caitlyn wanted my attention and I owed it to her to spend the rest of my time with her. Corbit was a guy I just met, and it was a great connection to have. Surreal really to be able to connect with someone so deeply and so quickly. But it worried me, was I making these connections so quickly because I desperately wanted to find love? Or were they real? I believe in energy, and maybe my energy was blessed enough to make two wonderful connections in such a short amount of time.

Corbit said he wanted to see me again before I left, so later that day he drove all the way back to Caitlyn’s just to give me a kiss goodbye. I knew Caitlyn would be upset, but it was 2 am and I had just spent the entire day with her. It wouldn’t be such a crime for me to go outside and see him for a bit.

We talked in his car for almost two hours and just sat there listening to music. My heart didn’t know what was happening. I almost felt guilty because, in my mind, this wasn’t supposed to be a serious thing. I thought it would just be a moment. A one night of ecstasy that I would look back and cherish. I didn’t think it could lead to a forever.

Corbit opened up to me about his ex, and how he hasn’t felt anything like what he felt with me in the past 2 years. That scared me. It sounded like he was in love, but looking back, I think he was just excited to finally feel again. After a heartbreak I think we convince ourselves that we will never feel again, so when someone steps in and sparks something, we feel brand new again. That’s what happened when I met with Christopher in D.C. He reignited something inside me that led me to feel again. He made me think, “wow, so this is what it should be like.” And then Corbit stepped in. He came one week later making me feel again, but something inside me cries and begs that he would have come first. And it’s not that I want Christoper over Corbit, I don’t at all. I just wish I didn’t connect with someone else because it makes me question the reality of my connection with Corbit. Again, is it possible to feel something so fast for two different people? I know many of you will say it was lust, and hey maybe it was, but I don’t care how pretty you are if we don’t connect there is no amount of lust that will make me feel emotions for you. And I felt some form of emotion for Corbit, but I couldn’t figure it out. And I was running out of time.

To be continued…

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